Swami ji’s Sandesh… “हम लोगों में आजकल इतनी जल्दी दरार क्यों आ जाती है…?”

Swami ji said…

“ रिश्ते निभाना, संभालना, उन्हें मज़बूत रखना भी तो हमारी नैतिक ज़िम्मेदारी होती है…” Then why is it that today, more often than not—irrespective of who the individuals are— one finds oneself at odds with someone who, until recently, had held a very special place in one’s life; someone who was once deeply cherished, but who today has become the most disliked, even hated, person?

It could be anyone within the circle of our relationships—a parent, a sibling, a spouse, or a friend. At times, it does not even take a major incident for a relationship to begin deteriorating rapidly, often without either side making a sincere effort to mend what may have been damaged by loss of trust, misunderstanding, impatience, or a lack of good judgement in accepting each other’s similarities and differences.

Has giving someone a ‘second chance’ become a thing of the past in today’s fast-paced life, with its constantly changing needs and demands?

Do we not often hear people say—regardless of the relationship they share—while highlighting how alike they are and how well they get along ? “वो बिल्कुल मेरी तरह है… हमारे स्वभाव में, सोचने के तरीके में बहुत समानताएँ हैं…” “हमारी अच्छी बनती है…” – is repeatedly said by them – appreciating their similarities.

Everything seems perfect for as long as the two individuals remain in sync— sharing similar habits, similar choices, and a similar temperament. But at the very first sign of differences emerging between them, things no longer remain the same. They can quickly spiral out of control and, at times, become damaged beyond repair.
Why do we allow things to become so volatile between us and someone – whom we had once treasured so deeply?

Do we find ourselves confronted with this situation simply because we are not magnanimous enough to recognise, accept, and respect the differences that will inevitably exist between individuals? How and why do relationships end so rapidly and so easily? Is it possible that we are turning into individuals with lower tolerance levels? Or is the deeper issue this—that we wish to preserve not the relationship – but our own sense of being right?

To apologise— to say the words “I am sorry”— often seem to get lodged in the throat. We refuse to apologise because, from our own perspective, we were never in the wrong. And so estrangement, even between a father and son, is no longer unheard of in today’s increasingly materialistic world of relationships
How far is one willing to go to reconcile? Is one ready to appear small in the other person’s eyes by admitting that he may have been wrong ?

Is it possible for any two individuals to have identical dispositions, mindsets, and attitude towards life? Would life not become far more beautiful if we could learn not only to appreciate our similarities, but also to respect our differences?

The spiritual seeker must always remain aware of this universal truth—that we are all individuals. Even twins develop different characteristics over time. Why then can we not accept that the people around us will also change, evolve, and develop different perspectives and attitude? Some may be more like us, and others less so. Neither is inherently bad nor good.

Those who are similar to us may make us feel more at ease, more comfortable. But those who are different may simply be taking us out of our comfort zone and opening our eyes to the world in a way we had not appreciated before.

While on the spiritual path, one might wrongly begin to believe that his own way of doing things is the right way. But then he is quite mistaken – if he thinks this way. One is neither superior nor inferior merely because one has adopted a spiritual view of life. One has no right to pass judgement on those who do not see or seek God in their daily lives. It is entirely possible that an atheist may be living life in a way that is far more pleasing to God.

In fact, the spiritual seeker must use every opportunity to listen to and learn from those who hold different— even contradictory— views. This expands one’s horizon, awakens one to questions one may never have asked oneself, and encourages deeper reflection on one’s own beliefs and teachings. And that should not be frightening. For if one’s intentions of seeking God are pure, such an exercise will only burn away lingering doubts. And if they are not, it may gently lead one back to the right path.

But this is only possible if the spiritual seeker remains accepting of the many varied people who enter his life, and does not let these differences become a source of friction.

Ultimately, it is the ego that hurts relationships. It is the ego that tells us that we cannot be wrong. It is the ego that tells us that we are too big to apologise. It is also the ego that tells us that we are too hurt to forgive. We must realise the difference between self-respect and an inflated ego.

It is important to remember that even in conflict if we realise – that we have been wrong – we should take it as a blessing. To acknowledge that one is wrong, or has wronged someone, is humbling. And perhaps it is God who has humbled us. For it may only mean that He wishes to prepare us – so that He may raise us later.

Do not hold grudges. How can one hope to offer one’s heart and soul to God, if, they remain stained by hate and anger towards His other children? It is therefore more important to love and respect those around us before even trying to walk on the path towards God.

And how can we hope for God to forgive our own trespasses and imperfections if we ourselves are unable to forgive those of others? Whatever others may say or do to us, can truly be let go off, only, when we ourselves lose the capacity to do the same to them.

Thus, the state of our relationship with others is often a reflection of our relationship with God. The more kindness and love we share with others, the happier He will be with us.