Dedicated to Swamiji Ajay Jain ji

Swami ji said…

“ रिश्ते निभाना, संभालना, उन्हें मज़बूत रखना भी तो हमारी नैतिक ज़िम्मेदारी होती है…” Then why is it that today, more often than not—irrespective of who the individuals are— one finds oneself at odds with someone who, until recently, had held a very special place in one’s life; someone who was once deeply cherished, but who today has become the most disliked, even hated, person?

It could be anyone within the circle of our relationships—a parent, a sibling, a spouse, or a friend. At times, it does not even take a major incident for a relationship to begin deteriorating rapidly, often without either side making a sincere effort to mend what may have been damaged by loss of trust, misunderstanding, impatience, or a lack of good judgement in accepting each other’s similarities and differences.

Has giving someone a ‘second chance’ become a thing of the past in today’s fast-paced life, with its constantly changing needs and demands?

Do we not often hear people say—regardless of the relationship they share—while highlighting how alike they are and how well they get along ? “वो बिल्कुल मेरी तरह है… हमारे स्वभाव में, सोचने के तरीके में बहुत समानताएँ हैं…” “हमारी अच्छी बनती है…” – is repeatedly said by them – appreciating their similarities.

Everything seems perfect for as long as the two individuals remain in sync— sharing similar habits, similar choices, and a similar temperament. But at the very first sign of differences emerging between them, things no longer remain the same. They can quickly spiral out of control and, at times, become damaged beyond repair.
Why do we allow things to become so volatile between us and someone – whom we had once treasured so deeply?

Do we find ourselves confronted with this situation simply because we are not magnanimous enough to recognise, accept, and respect the differences that will inevitably exist between individuals? How and why do relationships end so rapidly and so easily? Is it possible that we are turning into individuals with lower tolerance levels? Or is the deeper issue this—that we wish to preserve not the relationship – but our own sense of being right?

To apologise— to say the words “I am sorry”— often seem to get lodged in the throat. We refuse to apologise because, from our own perspective, we were never in the wrong. And so estrangement, even between a father and son, is no longer unheard of in today’s increasingly materialistic world of relationships
How far is one willing to go to reconcile? Is one ready to appear small in the other person’s eyes by admitting that he may have been wrong ?

Is it possible for any two individuals to have identical dispositions, mindsets, and attitude towards life? Would life not become far more beautiful if we could learn not only to appreciate our similarities, but also to respect our differences?

The spiritual seeker must always remain aware of this universal truth—that we are all individuals. Even twins develop different characteristics over time. Why then can we not accept that the people around us will also change, evolve, and develop different perspectives and attitude? Some may be more like us, and others less so. Neither is inherently bad nor good.

Those who are similar to us may make us feel more at ease, more comfortable. But those who are different may simply be taking us out of our comfort zone and opening our eyes to the world in a way we had not appreciated before.

While on the spiritual path, one might wrongly begin to believe that his own way of doing things is the right way. But then he is quite mistaken – if he thinks this way. One is neither superior nor inferior merely because one has adopted a spiritual view of life. One has no right to pass judgement on those who do not see or seek God in their daily lives. It is entirely possible that an atheist may be living life in a way that is far more pleasing to God.

In fact, the spiritual seeker must use every opportunity to listen to and learn from those who hold different— even contradictory— views. This expands one’s horizon, awakens one to questions one may never have asked oneself, and encourages deeper reflection on one’s own beliefs and teachings. And that should not be frightening. For if one’s intentions of seeking God are pure, such an exercise will only burn away lingering doubts. And if they are not, it may gently lead one back to the right path.

But this is only possible if the spiritual seeker remains accepting of the many varied people who enter his life, and does not let these differences become a source of friction.

Ultimately, it is the ego that hurts relationships. It is the ego that tells us that we cannot be wrong. It is the ego that tells us that we are too big to apologise. It is also the ego that tells us that we are too hurt to forgive. We must realise the difference between self-respect and an inflated ego.

It is important to remember that even in conflict if we realise – that we have been wrong – we should take it as a blessing. To acknowledge that one is wrong, or has wronged someone, is humbling. And perhaps it is God who has humbled us. For it may only mean that He wishes to prepare us – so that He may raise us later.

Do not hold grudges. How can one hope to offer one’s heart and soul to God, if, they remain stained by hate and anger towards His other children? It is therefore more important to love and respect those around us before even trying to walk on the path towards God.

And how can we hope for God to forgive our own trespasses and imperfections if we ourselves are unable to forgive those of others? Whatever others may say or do to us, can truly be let go off, only, when we ourselves lose the capacity to do the same to them.

Thus, the state of our relationship with others is often a reflection of our relationship with God. The more kindness and love we share with others, the happier He will be with us.

Swami ji said …

No stone was left unturned and painstaking efforts were made by our elders – right through our childhood and adolescence – to instill in us the major difference between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’; to be ever conscious of the distinct void that exists between them and how essential it was for us to not even think of going down the ‘wrong’ path that would tempt us to indulge in wrong-doings- “हमेशा सही काम करो… गलती करने से दूर रहो”- It would not be possible for us to count the number of times our parents had reminded us, gently, and, at times even forewarned us – as they knew we just might be tempted to do the wrong thing. Constant reminders to always do the right thing – “जो चीज़ तुम्हारी नहीं है—वह कभी भी, किसी भी हाल में, तुम्हारा मन चाहे जितना भी ललचाए—मत लेना…” “कोई भी गलत काम मत करना…” – were ingrained in us – but did we abide by their stern reminders?

Not really – as a few among us might have just picked up a brand-new scented eraser from our classmate’s pencil box and carried it home for just a night- and on being caught by our parents – returned it with great reluctance to the ‘rightful’ owner. We just did it. Maybe, the ‘desire’ to possess an eye-catching object could have overpowered our ability to think with clarity at that young age. The question – ‘ Why had we done so? ‘ – could draw different answers from us – as we would try to defend our act – which we would deep down know – should have never been done by us.

Our parents had told us, tirelessly, during our adolescence – to stay away from certain vices – that could take a heavy toll on us and have damaging consequences on our health and mental state. But a few among us, in the quest to ‘try’ the untried – could have picked up certain habits – which we might not have been able to give up over the years and have unfortunately become an inseparable part of our lives today. Was it our ‘ego’ that refused to listen to the simple direction given to us by them that – if what we intended to do was not right, would not help, enrich or benefit us in any way – then that should not be done by us? But how many of us had sincerely paid heed to the valuable advice given to us by them? Mere lip-service and not adhering to a promise – in case we had made one to them – would neither work in our favour nor ensure our betterment in any way.

‘Speak the ‘truth’ ‘- at all times, irrespective of the condition and circumstances in which we found ourselves – was the simple, but, very significant principle that our parents repeatedly had told us to build our lives on – but, again, how many times had we taken the escape route – by speaking the ‘untruth’ and ‘lied’ – to save our skin, to get out of a difficult situation or simply because it had become a habit. Why has it always been so very easy to forget the guidelines laid down by our elders and instead settle for doing the ‘wrong’ thing – with the skill of a practiced wrong – doer, without batting an eyelid ? After all, why is it so difficult for us to adhere to the instruction – that there is no need for us to ‘say anything’ that is not ‘true’ – and to say only if it is the ‘truth’. Why fabricate lies – as one lie always leads to another lie?’

We were also told to listen more and speak only when necessary. But that is not the case today. We feel a compulsion to speak on topics with a put-on authority – despite not being well-versed at all in the issue being discussed. We have strong opinions and even stronger convictions in them – even though we very well know they might not necessarily hold true. Why speak unnecessarily- when we don’t know much about the core issue? Wouldn’t it be better to stay quiet?

For the spiritual seeker, this morality check of oneself is a necessary practice. We often do that which we not ought to do as the mind convinces us otherwise. Slander and falsehood is labelled as a ‘joke’ by the mind, a means of fun and frolic – not understanding the pain and hurt it can cause. Poor habits, addictions are indulged by the mind as ‘treats’ – “Just this one time won’t hurt… I deserve a break” – the mind says. The mind spins tales to us and before long, we are speaking lies and committing bad actions, all under some pretext or another. And it does not then take any longer for us to fall into a corrupt and morally bankrupt lifestyle.

The mind is powerful. Controlling it is akin to controlling an army of thousands. Thus, it is perfectly natural for us to fall into vices and sin at times. However, it is important that we build a mental immunity to this, by constantly checking ourselves. Asking ourselves, am I doing something wrong here? Is my quest for comfort forcing me to do something immoral? Am I deceiving myself by doing what I am doing? Am I looking the wrong way- instead of acknowledging my drawbacks and weaknesses? It is only then that we can become stronger in mind and focus our energy on developing ourselves spiritually.

Swami ji said…

If we go down memory lane, it would not take us very long to recall – how we would take no longer than a few seconds—or perhaps a couple of minutes— to make a decision —” एक फ़ैसला लेने में, निर्णय लेने में…” — as children, adolescents, and even, today, as adults, in the present moment. And, we would end up saying with a tone of finality in our voice -“ That’s it! I start with this from tomorrow…” or “Next week onwards—you’ll see me do that!”

A decision, once taken—whether impulsively or after long deliberation—for our betterment, benefit, growth, and progress, has the unique quality of making us start from a point – that arises from a thought or an idea – which may have struck our mind – even randomly.

It is possible that even today we are able to remember how we had forgotten about that very decision which we were supposed to follow up on and put into practice—because it had been made in the spur of the moment, in a frivolous manner, with no specific purpose and had been said carelessly. Since the decision was not meant to serve a definite purpose, it died a natural death.

A decision, once taken, can reach fruition and take a definite, complete shape only when it is pursued with a regimented and disciplined mind. Our senses and our entire being need to develop the ability to ignore the outward attractions that will undoubtedly call out to them and tempt them to seek enjoyment, instead of staying committed to the decision that has yet to receive its finishing touches from us. It also requires dedication—a quiet, consistent resolve—to ensure that the decision taken by us is carried through to completion and we see it take the anticipated final shape before us.

The spiritual seeker must be disciplined. No matter how noble his thoughts and intentions may be – if, he is not disciplined, there will be no progress realised on the spiritual path. To praise God and to think profoundly of Him are all very good. But if one is not disciplined in one’s daily spiritual practice—however simple or small it may be—then that person is not making any progress at all.

The spiritual path, like all other paths in life, requires tremendous effort. And like all other endeavours, it can be trying and lonely, and at times unbearable—causing the mind to question: “Is this really worth the effort? Do we really need to exert ourselves so hard?” “What have we gained after all this?”

Such questions can make one lose focus. It is only through grit and discipline—the firm belief that meditating and praying again and again, routinely, will surely bear fruit for the soul—that the spiritual seeker can maintain his course towards God.

In fact, in most other endeavours of life, there can always be an element of luck. A student might get only those questions in an examination that he had studied for. A gambler might win a fortune in a game of roulette. Someone may get a job not because they are qualified, but because they have a good referral. In all such cases, luck—and not discipline—can occasionally reward a person.

But this is not so on the spiritual path. Without one’s own efforts—sustained and relentless—there will be no rewards. God is never found by luck, but, rather through disciplined and unwavering effort in the form of self-control, moderation, self-reflection, meditation, and other spiritual practices.

The mind loves indiscipline – and, thus, it must be restrained and reined in to maintain focus. For many of us, things such as sticking to a routine, even doing something good that will be beneficial for us—over and over again, every day, or, fulfilling a commitment when the excitement and vigour surrounding it have faded – are often the most dreary activities. Our mind seems to collapse under the burden of boredom and finds ways to avoid doing what we once promised ourselves – we would, unfailingly, do every day.

But to fight the mind, to wrestle with it and force it to adhere to discipline—this painstaking effort itself becomes our greatest offering to God. God is not counting how many hours we meditate, nor is He counting the number of times we pray; rather, He observes our commitment to what we have promised Him.

Perhaps we have proclaimed an intention that in reality – is difficult or even impossible to sustain. God is not concerned with the perfection of that claim, but, with the sincerity of our effort. We may have declared that we will meditate for two hours every day, and yet find ourselves unable to manage this consistently. While we may fall short, God is not troubled by the shortfall. What He sees—and values—is whether we are making a genuine effort to meditate every day.

For Him, it is the effort and discipline that count. It is this sincerity and perseverance that make us worthy of His Grace.

Swami ji said…

What is our reaction on seeing a well-groomed person step out in style from a customised car, donning the most expensive accessories, leaving behind a fragrance of a limited-edition perfume – as he strides past us, oozing confidence? Most of us stop doing what we were attempting to do, and, thoroughly distracted by his commanding, attention-demanding presence – gaze at him with wonder and awe. We soak in the sight of luxury – worn with such elan, marvel at his good fortune, his luck, his ‘kismet’, and are left saying—often enviously -“ कितना किस्मत वाला है ये…”
“कितना भाग्यशाली है…”
“सब कुछ है इसके पास…और हमारे पास कुछ भी नहीं है…”

Sadness and quiet misery creep in as we think of the modest wealth and material possessions we hold. Almost instinctively, we begin to compare – ‘अपना बुरा भाग्य दूसरों के अच्छे भाग्य से…’ which only worsen matters further for us.

Man has always had the habit of believing that the grass is greener on the other side. And in doing so, we mostly see our side as barren and bare. But, this tendency should, at least once in a while, compel us to pause and ask ourselves: “How do we truly define a ‘भाग्यशाली इंसान’?” What is our own definition of good fortune and luck?

Has the pull, sway, and glamour of wealth and material success shaped our understanding so deeply that we equate fortune only with what is visible to the eye? क्या धन और दौलत की चकाचौंध ने हमें यह मानने पर मजबूर कर दिया है कि भाग्य केवल बाहरी समृद्धि का नाम है? We forget that appearances can often be deceptive. Instead of looking for that which merely shines, we must look for that which has a light within. Wealth can come at the expense of health, at the expense of love and relationships. Money can also be obtained through immoral means and by deceiving others. Those who possess great material wealth and comfort can still be burdened by fear, sleepless nights, broken relationships, or a restless mind.

Thus, the question – Who is fortunate and who is not – is a rather complex one. And for us to ponder over it— by comparing our own journey with that of others—is largely irrelevant. How can we ever be certain that what we perceive as an unfortunate event in our own life is not, in fact, a blessing? How do we know that the ‘good luck’ someone enjoys today is not a precursor to ‘worse luck’ tomorrow? Even the greatest minds have never been able to decipher the divine play unfolding before our eyes. Why, then, should we attempt to pass judgment on it?

If someone’s wealth or success inspires you, that is far better. Success in the material world often makes one aware of how little control we truly have over the outcomes of our best endeavours. Those who are genuinely successful—if honest—will admit that whatever they achieved was ultimately a result of God’s favour, and nothing else. Their hard work and sacrifice—while not irrelevant—never guaranteed certainty. And again, how can we truly know who is blessed by God and who is not?

While we often point to Ravan for his folly, his pride, and the fate he met as a consequence, can we truly say that he was unfortunate? He ultimately met his end at the hands of Shri Ram. He became the cause for Lord Vishnu to take a grand avatar, and in his final moments, Lord Ram revealed His true form to him. Was Ravan, then, not bhāgyashālī—even though his end is often viewed as tragic?

In the Ramayana, Vibhishan went to Lord Ram’s camp because he believed it to be his ‘dharma’. Eventually, he was made the King of Lanka by Lord Ram Himself. Yet he is often portrayed as one who betrayed his brother for a kingdom. Was he, then, bhāgyashālī or not?

Perhaps outcomes, outward appearances, sentiments, and opinions are not the correct measures to judge whether a person is blessed by God or not.
Perhaps it is the simpler signs—a gentle smile, a calm and wise countenance, an honest and compassionate demeanour—that reveal whom God favours.

Peace and quiet of mind, mental fortitude and inner strength, unwavering faith in God, and the blessings and guidance of a Guru—these are the true signs of a bhāgyashālī person. Such a person is blessed with contentment and gratitude. He remembers God at all times and remain unperturbed by the changing seasons of life. And while he may not shine brightly with the jewels and gems of this world, he radiates the far greater light of God from within.

Swami ji said…

“Life is a race. In today’s cut-throat competition, you must have an edge over others. You must learn to survive. You have to be the best. There is no place for mediocrity, and no room for failure or losers.” Such stern and uncompromising words are very often poured into young ears, directing and conditioning them to prepare for the challenges that await them the moment they step into the professional world. They have to be better than the rest – is what is drilled into them. And, to a certain extent, this belief appears justified — for in the jungle of competition, only the fittest seem to survive.

Yet, we must also pause and reflect on the indelible impression that these words may leave on young minds — the context in which they are interpreted, internalised, and eventually acted upon by them. For it is not merely the words themselves, but the meaning attached to them that shapes their thought, behaviour, and life choices. And, this is where they must lay down and follow a moral code of conduct – that they must promise to themselves- will never be crossed by them – while chasing ‘success’ , ‘wealth’ and ‘fame’. The smell of money can be heady and can easily compel anyone to indulge in a nefarious activity – which can ruin one’s life for ever. The fantasy of becoming rich overnight can only be realised by selling one’s ‘soul’ to the devil – but the pull of wealth can be so strong that caution is thrown to the wind and the ‘soul’ is made to witness actions that makes it feel impure and dirty.

When success is defined only in terms of wealth, status, and possessions – young minds begin to believe that life itself is nothing more than a relentless race — one where compassion is weakness, failure is shameful, and worth is measured only by external achievement. It is highly possible that their elated minds could direct them to
give up their values, their ethic, their morals – in order to chase success, gain fame, and ensure that their name is remembered forever — at any cost?

The far-reaching consequences of such conditioning – are often unseen. Mental pressure, anxiety, fear of failure, and moral compromise – quietly begin to take root. In the race to “win,” values are diluted, empathy is sidelined, and the deeper purpose of life is forgotten.

There is no doubt in the fact that
while effort and excellence are important, life was never meant to be reduced to a pursuit of ‘दौलत’, ‘शोहरत’ और ‘सम्पत्ति’ alone. Success without balance, achievement without awareness, and ambition without humility leave the soul impoverished, no matter how rich the outer life may appear. Success and ambition are not wrong. However, they are not meant to define our worth or blind our conscience. Our actions must be birthed from righteousness.

True living lies not in winning a race, but , in understanding why we are running — and whether the destination we seek is truly worth the cost. We must question ourselves- “क्या हम जीवन की दौड़ में – थोड़ा रुकना, ठहरना भूल गए हैं और सुख, शांति को अनुभव करना भूल गए हैं…”