Swami ji’s Sandesh… “आजकल नफ़रत, शक और अविश्वास इतनी जल्दी प्रेम और स्नेह की जगह क्यों ले रहे हैं?”

” ऐसा कहा और माना जाता है कि — “शादियाँ स्वर्ग में बनती हैं…” It is said and believed that – ” Marriages are made in heaven…” and it is in the presence of God and with His blessings that -“फेरे लिए जाते हैं…”- vows are exchanged in which couples, irrespective of their age, with faces lit up with adoration, express their undying love for one another ; promise to support each other through thick and thin ; to face and overcome the ups and downs of life together ; to care and share. Every word is said with deep love and profound meaning at the time of the wedding. And, everything – the picture perfect celebrations, the excitement, joy and cheer – all clearly point towards everlasting happiness for the couple. But, then, why is it today – that one hears more often than he would like to hear, and , is completely taken aback on hearing that the couple that was very much in love till just yesterday – has separated and is on the threshold of a divorce?

Where does the beauty of the love that had shone from their faces disappear to be replaced by the ugliness of dislike and hatred for one another ? The promises made to ‘care’ and ‘share’ are forgotten and instead an attitude of – ‘ I couldn’t care less’ – takes over the once much in love couple, who now are literally on a warpath and refuse to look at each other’s face. Intervention from concerned parents and elders is not even sought, at times, and not paid heed to, if, given – as they appear to be absolutely sure of the ‘final’ step that they have decided to take. It is as though they have made up their mind that there is no turning back from the decision that has been taken by them. The worst part is to hear a couple say that living together had been like living in ‘hell’. Could anything be worse than to hearing this? And, the most important question that arises then is – ” Who is to be blamed for the situation to have taken such a drastic turn – when
affection is easily replaced with coldness and calculated planning?”

Is it possible that the couple had started taking each other for granted and forgotten that the marital bond between them could either be strengthened or weakened by their actions? Constant effort and attention ; warmth and care is needed for a relationship to grow further and become stronger. Is it possible that the superficial aspects of life precede the subtle ’emotional’ undercurrents – which tend to fade with time – as ‘attractive’ materialism beckons one of them to move on to new relationships ? Is it possible that ‘this’ attitude has pervaded into the way couples view their relationship? Comparison with other couples who are doing doing much better than them – and frustration at not being able to do so themselves – is a major cause of marital discord – which makes them look hither and thither. Being critical all the time of one’s spouse ; humiliating him in front of others will only add insult to injury. Won’t it ? One could complain – ” How insignificant he looks ! He talks in such an unimpressive way and is not well versed on conducting himself socially!”- leading to friction between them. ” Does he work in a reputed organisation ? What are his earnings?” – are questions – the answers to which, if, found to be unimpressive, can overrule completely, the positives that one could otherwise see in the logical manner in which he thinks and the perfect gentleman that he could be? So foolish can young couples be at times !

Mistakes are made by all. An attempt should be made by a spouse to give a second chance to the one who has erred. Talk things over. Why has the younger lot become so unforgiving ? Doesn’t the sacred nature of a wedding hold any meaning for them? Or have they become selfish to such an extent that their individual happiness alone means everything to them – even if it comes to separating the children from one parent ? Do they try to bond over beliefs and similar viewpoints – instead of harping on their ‘failed’ expectations from one another ? Why don’t they try to talk things over with a calm mind – instead of arguing in a heated manner? Do the trials and tribulations of everyday life , the demanding routine – make them blind to the struggles of the one who is closest to them? Do they take for granted the presence of the other in their life without lauding his contributions in their life ? They must remember to be mindful in their relationships and learn to acknowledge that neither of them is perfect and that they will err and do so repeatedly. They must be patient with each other when one struggles and celebrate when one succeeds. Life can be wonderful when we accept and overlook the differences that we see in our loved ones – as love conquers all and hatred begets hatred.