‘Rishtey – naatey’

 

Swamiji says …

”The greatly treasured parent – child relationship ; the emotional bond that connects a child to his parent – its purity and beauty is indescribable; an emotion that cannot be put into words. Can we define the pure, divine love that a mother bears for her child ? Why does a mother make her child her topmost priority, right from the moment of its birth, is known only to her ! What makes her run to her child at its first cry; makes her shed tears at every suffering of his can only be answered by her !”

“It is rightly said – ‘Since God couldn’t be everywhere, He made mothers!’ A mother – our life giver – keeps her child safe, secure and protected in her womb, raises him with her flesh and blood and lets him know constantly that she will be there to welcome him, in the warm embrace of her loving arms, when he arrives in the world. The proud father, with dreams in his eyes, plans and saves every penny for his child’s future, intent on fulfilling every desire and need of the child – be it academic, professional or marital !”

“Parents, needless to say, love their children selflessly, dote on them and happily do everything that is within, and much beyond their means, for their child – be it a daughter or a son. They stand by their child, support his ambition and watch him with joy and pride, as he steps out into the world and tries to reach for the stars. As parents, they perform their duties selflessly, expecting nothing from him in return.”

“’Generation Next’ today is smart, intelligent and educated! Youngsters meet, mingle with each other, interact and exchange ideas at various platforms and forums, and in the process gain proximity with each other. Very often, young couples fall in love, and express their desire to tie the matrimonial knot, to their parents. Parents, as always, giving paramount importance to their child’s wish, accept his decision without any hesitation, and perform the nuptials with great happiness. Things remain cordial for some time and then the bubble of bonhomie begins to burst, as a deeply disturbing trend that I see happening across the world, in many homes, starts taking an ominous shape.”

“‘Aatma ko achcha nahi lagta hai’ – when I see the attitude and behaviour of quite a few newly married women change, in the most unexpected manner , for the worst. Barely do a few months of marital bliss pass by – and it appears that the sheen of matrimonial happiness begins to wear off. A series of complaints and complications begin, as young wives find it difficult to accept the new relations, and relationships, that form an integral part of the new responsibility that comes along with being a wife – and differences start creeping in. The major point of contention being the presence of the husband’s parents and siblings in her married life, a life in which according to her only -‘ miya, biwi ‘ – husband and wife should exist, and others should cease to matter. The husband’s side of the family should take the hint and fade away from ‘their’ lives. She is unwilling to allow ‘them’ any space in her husband’s life – that very person, who she seems to forget is also someone’s son and brother – but who now, for all practical purposes, is only hers and belongs exclusively to her.”

“Zyaadatar, duniya bhar ke gharon mein yeh ho raha hai!’ Women are more emotional than men, and their love for their parents and siblings is a lifelong affair. It is wonderful to be so, but the problem arises when a married woman tries to tilt her husband’s affections totally towards her entire family and expects him to move away from his parents and siblings – both, physically and emotionally…’ Woh dheere dheere apne husband ka jhukaav apne parivaar ki taraf kar leti hain !” At times, one gathers an impression that a husband’s family is a collection of inhuman, emotionless people, and it is only a woman’s family that has the most humane, loving and considerate individuals, and they are the only closely knit unit in the world.”

“Problems of different kinds could crop up, in particular, between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, but rather than holding a grudge and casting aspersions on the mother-in-law, wouldn’t it be better, if the daughter-in-law had a direct talk with her and tried to solve the problem? The in-law’s too need to change and listen to the daughter-in-law’s perspective without any prejudice. Are they too interfering, dominating and extremely possessive about their son, which is not liked by the young daughter-in-law ! One can give it a try and the outcome could build and strengthen relationships rather than widening the existing gulf further ! ”

“It saddens me greatly when women devotees complain to me, in the Darbar, about their in-laws. ‘Mujhe bahut dukh hota hai jab woh apne saas – sasur ki burai mujh se karti hain! Main unhe uss samay shiksha deta hoon aur topic ko badal deta hoon!’ I endeavour to remind them of the age old values, the respect and esteem in which their in-laws should be held by them and the duties they have towards them, with the hope that the quarrels and misunderstandings between them come to an end and peace reigns in their homes once again.”

” Women, independent and with a mind of their own, also want to control and command their husbands, these days, and it is done easily, as the husbands keep quiet, in order to avoid heated arguments, which they know will get them nowhere…’Woh apne husband ko apne bass mein karna chahti hain!’ The thought of the husband doing anything for his family, helping them in any way could perturb them greatly – ‘aur woh unhe rokti hain , unke apne parivaar ke liye kuch karne se’ – but on the contrary, will expect him to go all out, to bail out and stand by their family members, in their moments of distress. ‘Unhe apne side ka hi khyaal hota hai … Yeh achchi cheez nahi hai!’ If their tantrums and mood swings don’t work, they then adopt a dictatorial attitude- ‘Taanashahi par aa jaati hain’ and taunt their husbands – ‘ You…Your mother…Your father …You are a weak person! Till when will you be a Mama’s boy ? ‘Aaj joh uska pati hai – ussi ko pehle uske mata-pita – jinka woh beta hai – ussey kitne pyaar se bada kiya hai! They tend to completely forget the love and labour that has been put in by his parents to make their son – their husbands now, what they are today.”

“It gives me great pain in saying that quite a many women today, believe in having exclusive rights on their husbands – ‘Miya, biwi … Me and my husband! That’s all.’ No unwanted baggage in the form of the husband’s parents and siblings is allowed. Do they really think even for a minute that their indifferent body language, flashing eyes and hurtful actions, cannot be understood by the boy’s parents? The parents , on the other hand, prefer to remain quiet, as they do not want to be the cause of any friction and tension between their son and daughter-in-law which could lead to an ugly divorce – and move out of their home into another house. ‘ Aur jiss se unhone apne bete ki shaadi khushi khushi karvai thi …’ – that daughter-in – law now wants to detach them – cut all strings of attachment and love that bond them with their son. Try to relate with the pain and suffering of the boy’s parents who, at times, have done no wrong, but are being needlessly subjected to the strong resentment and dislike that you bear for them.”

“Remember, behaviour of this kind will get you nowhere. Best would be to thrash out the differences, the sore points, politely, with the elders in the family. Acquaint them with your expectations as a daughter-in-law and draw their attention to the times when you felt that they had let you down. After all mistakes could have been made by your in-laws too. But blind hatred for them, just because they are your husband’s parents, and not your parents, who you love greatly, does not hold any ground. A moody, selfish, egoistic life paves the way for a day – ‘when you are in difficulty and suffering, you will not have anyone around you to give you a glass of water.’ I’m sure none of us would like to see the light of such an unfortunate day.”