‘Rishtey – naatey’


Swamiji says …

”The greatly treasured parent – child relationship ; the emotional bond that connects a child to his parent – its purity and beauty is indescribable; an emotion that cannot be put into words. Can we define the pure, divine love that a mother bears for her child ? Why does a mother make her child her topmost priority, right from the moment of its birth, is known only to her ! What makes her run to her child at its first cry; makes her shed tears at every suffering of his can only be answered by her !”

“It is rightly said – ‘Since God couldn’t be everywhere, He made mothers!’ A mother – our life giver – keeps her child safe, secure and protected in her womb, raises him with her flesh and blood and lets him know constantly that she will be there to welcome him, in the warm embrace of her loving arms, when he arrives in the world. The proud father, with dreams in his eyes, plans and saves every penny for his child’s future, intent on fulfilling every desire and need of the child – be it academic, professional or marital !”

“Parents, needless to say, love their children selflessly, dote on them and happily do everything that is within, and much beyond their means, for their child – be it a daughter or a son. They stand by their child, support his ambition and watch him with joy and pride, as he steps out into the world and tries to reach for the stars. As parents, they perform their duties selflessly, expecting nothing from him in return.”

“’Generation Next’ today is smart, intelligent and educated! Youngsters meet, mingle with each other, interact and exchange ideas at various platforms and forums, and in the process gain proximity with each other. Very often, young couples fall in love, and express their desire to tie the matrimonial knot, to their parents. Parents, as always, giving paramount importance to their child’s wish, accept his decision without any hesitation, and perform the nuptials with great happiness. Things remain cordial for some time and then the bubble of bonhomie begins to burst, as a deeply disturbing trend that I see happening across the world, in many homes, starts taking an ominous shape.”

“‘Aatma ko achcha nahi lagta hai’ – when I see the attitude and behaviour of quite a few newly married women change, in the most unexpected manner , for the worst. Barely do a few months of marital bliss pass by – and it appears that the sheen of matrimonial happiness begins to wear off. A series of complaints and complications begin, as young wives find it difficult to accept the new relations, and relationships, that form an integral part of the new responsibility that comes along with being a wife – and differences start creeping in. The major point of contention being the presence of the husband’s parents and siblings in her married life, a life in which according to her only -‘ miya, biwi ‘ – husband and wife should exist, and others should cease to matter. The husband’s side of the family should take the hint and fade away from ‘their’ lives. She is unwilling to allow ‘them’ any space in her husband’s life – that very person, who she seems to forget is also someone’s son and brother – but who now, for all practical purposes, is only hers and belongs exclusively to her.”

“Zyaadatar, duniya bhar ke gharon mein yeh ho raha hai!’ Women are more emotional than men, and their love for their parents and siblings is a lifelong affair. It is wonderful to be so, but the problem arises when a married woman tries to tilt her husband’s affections totally towards her entire family and expects him to move away from his parents and siblings – both, physically and emotionally…’ Woh dheere dheere apne husband ka jhukaav apne parivaar ki taraf kar leti hain !” At times, one gathers an impression that a husband’s family is a collection of inhuman, emotionless people, and it is only a woman’s family that has the most humane, loving and considerate individuals, and they are the only closely knit unit in the world.”

“Problems of different kinds could crop up, in particular, between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, but rather than holding a grudge and casting aspersions on the mother-in-law, wouldn’t it be better, if the daughter-in-law had a direct talk with her and tried to solve the problem? The in-law’s too need to change and listen to the daughter-in-law’s perspective without any prejudice. Are they too interfering, dominating and extremely possessive about their son, which is not liked by the young daughter-in-law ! One can give it a try and the outcome could build and strengthen relationships rather than widening the existing gulf further ! ”

“It saddens me greatly when women devotees complain to me, in the Darbar, about their in-laws. ‘Mujhe bahut dukh hota hai jab woh apne saas – sasur ki burai mujh se karti hain! Main unhe uss samay shiksha deta hoon aur topic ko badal deta hoon!’ I endeavour to remind them of the age old values, the respect and esteem in which their in-laws should be held by them and the duties they have towards them, with the hope that the quarrels and misunderstandings between them come to an end and peace reigns in their homes once again.”

” Women, independent and with a mind of their own, also want to control and command their husbands, these days, and it is done easily, as the husbands keep quiet, in order to avoid heated arguments, which they know will get them nowhere…’Woh apne husband ko apne bass mein karna chahti hain!’ The thought of the husband doing anything for his family, helping them in any way could perturb them greatly – ‘aur woh unhe rokti hain , unke apne parivaar ke liye kuch karne se’ – but on the contrary, will expect him to go all out, to bail out and stand by their family members, in their moments of distress. ‘Unhe apne side ka hi khyaal hota hai … Yeh achchi cheez nahi hai!’ If their tantrums and mood swings don’t work, they then adopt a dictatorial attitude- ‘Taanashahi par aa jaati hain’ and taunt their husbands – ‘ You…Your mother…Your father …You are a weak person! Till when will you be a Mama’s boy ? ‘Aaj joh uska pati hai – ussi ko pehle uske mata-pita – jinka woh beta hai – ussey kitne pyaar se bada kiya hai! They tend to completely forget the love and labour that has been put in by his parents to make their son – their husbands now, what they are today.”

“It gives me great pain in saying that quite a many women today, believe in having exclusive rights on their husbands – ‘Miya, biwi … Me and my husband! That’s all.’ No unwanted baggage in the form of the husband’s parents and siblings is allowed. Do they really think even for a minute that their indifferent body language, flashing eyes and hurtful actions, cannot be understood by the boy’s parents? The parents , on the other hand, prefer to remain quiet, as they do not want to be the cause of any friction and tension between their son and daughter-in-law which could lead to an ugly divorce – and move out of their home into another house. ‘ Aur jiss se unhone apne bete ki shaadi khushi khushi karvai thi …’ – that daughter-in – law now wants to detach them – cut all strings of attachment and love that bond them with their son. Try to relate with the pain and suffering of the boy’s parents who, at times, have done no wrong, but are being needlessly subjected to the strong resentment and dislike that you bear for them.”

“Remember, behaviour of this kind will get you nowhere. Best would be to thrash out the differences, the sore points, politely, with the elders in the family. Acquaint them with your expectations as a daughter-in-law and draw their attention to the times when you felt that they had let you down. After all mistakes could have been made by your in-laws too. But blind hatred for them, just because they are your husband’s parents, and not your parents, who you love greatly, does not hold any ground. A moody, selfish, egoistic life paves the way for a day – ‘when you are in difficulty and suffering, you will not have anyone around you to give you a glass of water.’ I’m sure none of us would like to see the light of such an unfortunate day.”

14 thoughts on “‘Rishtey – naatey’

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  1. Aptly said by Swamiji, the institution of family needs to be accepted and respected by every new bride failing which the bonds holding together will wear off.

  2. Understanding, service and occasional sacrifice can enable to bind the family together.
    Jai Gurudev

  3. Whosoever we meet in this world is related to us from previous birth. Isn’t it possible that whom we now see as in-laws were our parents in previous births.

  4. Its the families that bond and not just the two individuals, mutual respect for each other’s family members and the right balance only can lead to a sound foundation for lifetime. The generation needs to have a long term vision as against short term freedom sought.

  5. Our Swamiji loves us so much that He keeps on guiding on all matters be it spritual or be it mundane.
    Pranam Swamiji 🙏

  6. How deeply disturbed Swamiji was!!!
    With a little adjustment and understanding ,things can be sorted out. To make or break a home….both husband and wife have equal share. But biologically and psychologically women have more patience than men,I observed. Leaving the ‘swaarth’ behind, if women can keep their homes with peaceful atmosphere…what more can be asked for!! I always pray to Swamiji for his guidance to all d ladies who visit darbar in particular.
    Pranam Swamiji…

  7. Mutual understanding is very important. With that one can maintain peaceful relationship with all in the family.

  8. Om Gurudevo Namaha. Swamiji very thoughtful,appropriate,sensitive and touching Sandesh.I wish everybody was like this.one could probably understand that it is not there in laws They are parents.Then why would problem arise.I totally agree one should not be egoistic as ego can ruin the whole world in a second. Let’s all see today’s scenario what’s happening one mostake of ours has ruined soo many lives in our country because of covid 19.In the same manner one fish can spoil the whole pond.Our homes our place of worship where we should not have rather think also of any ill felling because what you think it reflects on your face and then it turns into action which results in unrest and disharmony in the family.
    I would like to quote treat your neighbors as you want them to treat you.so if we want love and respect,we must learn to give love and respect.
    There is nothing like Mothers love and care,who cannot respect his or her mother or parents how can he respect anyone outside in the society.
    You must have heard this very often “Jo apni Maa ka saga nahi woh kaisey ka saga nahi hota ” Its true a person who can respect and take of his or her mother how can he respect anyone in the society. Please treat your mother in law as your mother as she has taken care of your spouse,you,your children and soo many things.She has sacrificed for us always as parent not she but our fathers also to give us the best in life .When that have never thought of themselves in life as there first priority has been children.
    So how can we be so inhumane,indifferent,towards them after all they are our parents.Please remember what we sow that’s what we reap.soo all these things are watched by the society and our kids .In return when our children grow ………. they learn the same thing.
    Honestly I must thank Swamiji for his blessings. My mother in law is just like a mother to me.She us my best friend with whom I share everything. Because I know she is genuine and I am also a mother of two kids.To have a harmonious relationship at home one should be full of love,compassion,gratitude .Never be complacent .love your parents,your mother in law,your family as a part of your life.Feelvthere pain as your pain then you will realize how much it takes to be a mother.
    Always love them ,compromise there is nothing bad in compromising you won’t get small rather everyone will praise you.Donot run th rat race be a different person as we are loved children of Swamiji and visit the auspicious darbar.lets follow and take action on his teachings as he wants us to be different kind of person who looks and stands different in the society and can proudly say I love my Swamiji that’s why I am different. Its a feeling and an expression. This is my thought. People may differ but forme Swamiji is my first Mother if I cannot follow his teachings I am of no use to my Mother,parents,unless,children and Society.
    Thank you Swamiji for this reminder that I am also a mother and a parent.
    Extremely touching.will always be grateful to you for bringing so much change in me as a person.
    Om Gurudevo Namaha. Swamiji please keep showering your blessings as you always do.

    Jai Gurudev.

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