Dedicated to Swamiji Ajay Jain ji

Swami ji said…

Our relationships are formed from the moment we are conceived in our mother’s womb, and , every family member immediately begins developing a bond with the yet-to-be-born infant. Strange as it may seem – strong ties of love and affection are formed between us and a tiny, evolving individual – who is completely unknown to us— not seen, not touched, or held by us as yet — but a fascinating pull makes us already feel attached to the unborn baby. Every family member begins planning and preparing with great excitement, waiting impatiently for the little one to make his entry into the world.

“वो समय जब सारे परिवार के सदस्य शिशु के जन्म की तैयारी में लगे रहते हैं, तब ऐसा लगता है कि सब ‘साधना’ कर रहे हैं, और शिशु के जन्म के बाद भी ऐसा प्रतीत होता है जैसे उसके माता-पिता का ख़ासकर पूरा ध्यान अपने शिशु पर ही है…वह अपनी ‘साधना’ में लगे हुए हैं…” There is a tenderness, softness and concern in the way the baby is handled by us, as we know that there could be none more helpless than a newly born infant or a toddler. The little child receives everything possible from everyone —unconditional love, undivided attention, and unlimited care— as the elders go about doing
whatever they can do for the little one – without laying down any conditions or without expecting anything from the little one. It is as though all of us know what the baby needs – and we provide everything without a grimace.

But, then, why is there is such a marked difference in our behaviour and attitude – when we meet and interact with those – who we are not particularly fond of ? Where does that tenderness and selflessness vanish ? We find ourselves becoming very choosy, moody, and selective in maintaining relationships with various people, whether they are family or friends. We read too much into the mannerisms and attitude shown by others towards us—be it a slightly rough inflection in one’s voice, a peculiar or indifferent look in their eyes, or a cold greeting.These clearly visible and questionable mannerisms are taken to heart by us and looked upon as a personal insult. Without giving the other person a second chance, we are ready to turn away from that relationship forever. This shows how touchy we have become. A relationship that was rock-solid till yesterday breaks into fragments – and surprisingly
it makes no difference to us. Furthermore, instead of quelling the needless doubts within us, we add fuel to fire, by developing an antagonistic attitude towards them. Can such behaviour ever succeed in ironing out the differences between us and make us work on improving our relationship with others ?

Why are we unable to understand and accept the simple fact that differences are bound to exist between each of us? It is not possible for us to be similar – let alone identical. Why do we create such expectations within ourselves and then feel let down? Why do we let the other person’s aggressive behaviour provoke a hurt or aggrieved reaction in us?

What happens to all the love, patience, and joy that had overflowed from us when we had taken care of a baby— when we now find ourselves filled with impatience, displeasure, and even anger – while trying to take care of our elderly, ageing parents ? Is it because they are no longer a source of joy to us? Or because they are incapable of doing anything for us anymore ? Why do we feel as though they are a burden on us ? The silent treatment meted out to them by us is more effective than our ‘loudest’ words – conveying to them clearly – how difficult it is for us to take care of them day and night. Why is there such a visible difference in the way we rush to attend to a crying child – and the blatant disrespect shown by some of us – towards our elders – when we pay a deaf ear to their feeble cries for some kind of assistance. “हमारे व्यवहार में इतना फ़र्क़ क्यों होता है?”

The real measure of love is not in how we treat those who bring us happiness, but, rather in how we serve those who need our compassion the most. We must have patience and understanding in all our relationships. While we mustn’t accept ill-treatment or disrespect, we must always be particularly mindful of ensuring that we remain the most respectful, even in the most trying circumstances. Our ability to forgive, to extend warmth despite distance, and to speak kindly even when we feel misunderstood – transforms ordinary relationships into something more special. Every time we choose grace over ego, patience over irritation, or , sincerity over sarcasm, we make a relationship a little stronger. Not everyone we know can be affectionate towards us, but, we must not hold back from giving joy and showering praise whenever we can. That is how we can nurture any and all relationships—be it family or friends—with a sense of genuineness and make them sanctuaries of comfort and happiness for ourselves and others.

Swami ji said…

From time immemorial, man has always been motivated by a wish to gain name and fame and be recognised as a celebrity. His desire to achieve success is fuelled by the belief that success alone will garner him praise and repute. This desire and longing to be ‘known’ is something we can all relate with. We all want a pat on the back. We all want to be acknowledged for that we have done and achieved. And, in a way, we can’t really say that there is something majorly wrong in being this way. It is when we see sportsmen being rewarded, visionaries being interviewed and quoted in the news, that we too are inspired to work hard and achieve such success.

But , like it is said – Nothing in excess is good – similarly, our desire to be successful and known – should also be within limits. We must realise that we do not exist solely for the sake of impressing others and neither should we make it our sole aim ; as that is not the purpose of life. The purpose of our life cannot be only to be adulated, known and recognised by the world. Being admired by others, being hero-worshipped by others – is not the end all of life. Of course , one feels good on being admired by others. But, unfortunately, In today’s world, this is what we are increasingly seeing. Be it just ‘five minutes of fame’ – that is what everyone is chasing. To be known – is what many are desirous of. Anything and everything is being done from the point of view of how ‘others’ will perceive us ? Every little thing is ‘shared’ with the world for it to admire.

But do we ever question ourselves, is this truly how we want to live ? Is it alright to commit to actions with such a mindset?
Surely, it is not. For vanity makes us chase only material accomplishments and temporary pleasures. Money, houses, cars, positions – all these are used to catch the world’s attention. But, we are well aware, this will only bring us momentary joy. What then? Do we gain ‘permanent’ happiness from any of these?

The real ‘we’ – the ‘soul’ – alone lasts forever. But , what do we do to feel its presence within us ? Our name will be forgotten ; our belongings will turn to debris someday ; the body to ash. All these efforts to please the world will amount to naught. If not tomorrow – then on some other day for sure.

Clearly, it is not the world that needs to be impressed, but, rather it is God whose admiration we must try to capture. The ‘soul’ needs bliss – permanent bliss – that only He can give and not the world. Our actions thus, must also be directed at pleasing Him. And unlike the world, which never truly tells us nor, knows itself – what makes it happy – He is always telling us, through our conscience, through little signs – that true happiness is within us and what we must do to win His Grace.

The spiritual seeker, in today’s world, must also always be careful about what motivates him ; what inspires him ; what does he want to ‘be’ in this lifetime. The world will praise him for being a ‘good’ man. They will even seek his advice, which he might give. They will praise him for his practices and sacrifices. But the spiritual seeker must beware at all times. For his spiritual practice is not for the world to admire, but, to gain God’s favour. The same people who praise him today, will abandon him tomorrow – that is how the world works. In those moments, if , He is not truly motivated to seek God – his ‘sadhna’ will be of no use – as his mind will chase the world and its fickle nature will drag him away from the path to God.

Don’t just long for material possessions and fruition of personal ambitions – long to know Him , to sense Him ; to see Him – and understand – that He is happiest to see our eyes filled with love for all ; our head bowed in respect and gratefulness to Him ; our hands that should always be ready to help others ; our feet that are willing to walk on the Right Path and our mind that refuses to nurture falsehood.

Swami ji said…

” हम दूसरों को कुछ भी देने में इतना घबराते क्यों हैं ? चाहे वह कोई वस्तु हो, प्रेम हो, या मान-सम्मान…” And, we , wouldn’t be too surprised to realise that we were, apparently, born with this trait. In fact, it might not be very difficult for us to recall the copious tears that would flow from our eyes – on seeing another baby take our most coveted toy, or, to be honest, anything at all from us. The fear of losing what belonged to ‘me’ … ‘ यह मेरा है …’ and to see it being taken away by someone else — even if it was merely for a minute or two — was enough to make us weep our heart out. We would be at peace only after getting it back from the ‘offender’ and finally hold it in our hands once again. That is how difficult we have always found it to ‘give’ or ‘share’ with others – anything – that belonged to us. We could blame it on the possessive streak that all of us have, or , it could be because we are small-hearted. The thought of ‘giving’ makes us feel that, “अगर मैंने उसे अपनी कोई चीज़ दे दी, तो मेरा क्या होगा…” and imaginary images of facing a shortage and scarcity of those very things make us behave in a stingy manner. But, on the other hand, we are always ready to ‘take’ from others and, at times, might show no inhibitions in demanding — respect, acceptance, assistance, and love from them.

” किसी को कुछ भी देने के समय हमारे दिल में इतनी उथल-पुथल क्यों होती है?” Why is it that we are filled with misgivings, doubts and our mind swings like a pendulum – oscillating between thoughts — “If I give him the monetary loan that he is asking for, how can I be sure that he’ll return it to me?” “Why should I show any affection or love for him when he has always treated me with indifference?” “Why should I treat him respectfully when all that I’ve received from him is disdain and contempt?” All these doubt-filled, mischief creating thoughts – cloud our mind and fill us with selfishness, and we begin to think of our personal growth and interest, which makes us say, “Why should ‘I’?” “Should I ‘give’ or not?” And thinking on such narrow lines — “हम अपनी छोटी सोच के बाहर आ ही नहीं पाते हैं…”

In that moment of dilemma, what seems to slip from our mind completely is that rather than being thankful to God – for making us reach a position – that makes it possible for us to help someone, support someone ; when we are able to ‘give’ someone, something that is needed by them, in which ever form – we still have the gall to mull over – “मैं कुछ अच्छा करूँ या न करूँ ? उस की मदद करूँ या नहीं ? उनका सम्मान करूँ या नहीं ?”

What we seem to forget completely is that God, on seeing us do ‘ नेक कर्म’, endorses our act and gives us manifold in abundance — ” हमारी झोली उसी चीज़ से भर देते हैं…” – with that very thing that we give to others. If we decide that we want to spread joy and make others happy – wherever we go – we will always find our lives filled with happiness and laughter. What will we gain by clinging on to happiness all by ourselves – without sharing it with others ? Can happiness be enjoyed that way ? Wish good for everyone and see how good things keep happening for us. The more we give, the more we get. But that should not make us ‘give’ with vested interest. We shouldn’t be telling ourselves, “Let me ‘show’ that person some respect. It will be of some use to me later.” Similarly, love begets love. Love all, irrespective of whether you stand to gain something from them or not. People will love you unconditionallyand can there be a better reward from God than that.

Is a ‘saccha sant’ frugal or miserly while imparting ‘gyaan’ to His devotees? He ‘gives’ to each devotee of His – what he is meant to receive in this lifetime – without expecting anything from him. But , even then, doesn’t the ‘guru’ get unflinching loyalty, pure love, and respect from His devotees?

The spiritual seeker must learn to ‘give’. This is much easier said than done – for our fear of ‘loss’ holds us back. But this can be overcome with empathy. When in doubt, think about why someone might benefit from being given your materials or even your effort and time. Put yourself in their shoes, and, try to understand how your giving someone something – might ease their fears or troubles. One must make this a practice, and surely enough, you will be moved to ‘give’. You will yearn to ‘give’ to those who are ‘in need’.

We must realize that to be able to ‘give’ in itself is an opportunity given to us by God – to achieve a sense of fulfillment. ‘Giving’ is God’s work. Those who ‘give’ to ‘show’ others and want to be seen as magnanimous – do not realize that the true gift they have received – is being able to participate in God’s work. When one ‘gives’, one must never expect anything in return, neither from the recipient nor from God. The fact that they have performed a near divine action, which is excellent ‘karma’, is in itself a reward.

Swami ji said …

“जीवन में हम हमेशा जीत तो नहीं सकते… पराजय का सामना हमें करना ही पड़ता है और आगे भी करना पड़ेगा…” Life runs only this way – as the scales of life cannot maintain a perfect balance at all times. They will tilt one way or another. And so it is with victory and defeat. One follows the other. Just like night follows day.

The most valiant warriors, greatest sportspersons, and renowned actors — who are cheered and spoken of with awe and admiration for their remarkable courage and valour ; for their record-breaking feats and acting prowess — one day, are ridiculed and mocked the very next day – when they fail to deliver as expected. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles — but is that how we too should behave ?
Crumble under the weight of being tagged a ‘loser’ – develop an inferiority complex ; begin to feel that we are incapable of achieving anything and make a desperate attempt to hide from others filled with a sense of shame ? And, also, derive sadistic pleasure in making others squirm in humiliation by ‘applauding’ their ‘defeat’ – by making snide remarks on their inability to pass the litmus test – ever. What will we gain by adopting an attitude in which we not only demean ourselves – but others also -” जब हम स्वयं पराजय का सामना करते हैं या जब कोई और पराजित होता है…”

We should not allow defeat and failure to push us off the edge, or , make us feel overwhelmed at the thought of being branded a ‘failure’. Paying heed to the inner voice that tries everything possible to make us feel small by mockingly reminding us — “Oh, you cannot be victorious! What is the point of trying, when you know you can’t win?”- will only ensure that we fade away and give up without trying again. And, is that what we really want within heart of hearts ? Who doesn’t feel the need to be recognised for his accomplishments by attaining them as quickly as possible?

“पराजित होने पर हम निराश हो जाते हैं … सोच में पड़ जाते हैं कि लोग हमारे बारे में क्या सोचेंगे…हम अपने आप को दूसरों के सामने लज्जित महसूस करते हैं…”Why is it that we think more about what others will think of us – instead of motivating ourselves to try again – sure that we will succeed ?”
“How will we face all those we know ?” – is a question paramount in our mind. All these senseless thoughts weigh heavily on our mind – the burden of which – unsettles us with dark thoughts of self – doubt and worthlessness.

We feel as though we are frozen ; caught off guard and are unable to chalk out a plan of action that might give us the strength to believe in ourselves ever again. We can and must try once again and will certainly be successful – should be our motto. We need to erase the words –
‘पराजय’ -‘defeat’ and ‘failure’ from our vocabulary ; and instead focus on the lesson learnt from failing – and put in determined effort to win ; be victorious – ” aur parajay ko kal ko aane wali jeet ka kaaran banaye…”

Swami ji said…

Right from early childhood, we are taught to fold our hands and take God’s name — and nearly every parent makes his baby repeat this act whenever they interact with others — be it family or friends. The happiness and pleasure with which tiny tots perform this act is a sight to behold, as their innocence and purity shine through. They sit atop their father’s shoulders, take His name with joy in their hearts, focusing more on repeating His name alongwith the newly introduced action of folding their hands – as they surrender themselves completely to just getting His name right. Unknowingly, our sole focus is on God’s name during ‘those’ idyllic days of babyhood – as babies don’t and can’t have any ulterior motives. Can they ? They have not a care in the world, certain and absolutely sure that their parents will ‘carry them’ — and ‘everything to’ them, ‘for’ them — and will be with them constantly and always.

But as time passes and we grow up, varied interests distract us. We begin to centre more on these, as we feel that – the fame, money, power, and position that we could be ‘enjoying’ at that moment – have been created by ‘us,’ by only ‘our’ hard work, ‘our’ dint of merit. We start assuming that — “वो हम ही हैं , जो सब कुछ कर रहे हैं …” The gay abandon with which we used to perch ourselves on our elders shoulders, in our childhood, appears to diminish greatly during our adulthood, as we take it for granted that the responsibility for every thing rests on us, and ‘we’ are the ones who painstakingly bear and carry everyone’s burden — our parents, children — on ‘our’ shoulders. We fail to see that it is not we, but “वो ऊपर नीलीछतरिवाला जिसने ‘हमारी’ सारी ज़िम्मेदारी अपने कंधों पर ले रखी है …” But what is it that makes us hesitate to accept the fact that — “जब एक पत्ता भी उनकी मर्ज़ी के बिना नहीं हिल सकता है तो क्या हमारे जीवन में कुछ भी उनकी इच्छा के बिना हो सकता है?” Where and why does that childlike innocence, love, and faith in God vanish as we mature? Very often we hear people say… “मैं करूँगा…” and thump their chest on achieving their goal. It is wonderful to be elated on realising a dream, but , do we realise that – it could only happen because – He allowed it to manifest ; to materialise – by taking upon Himself the responsibility of equipping, empowering, and enabling us to see its fulfilment — and this is exactly what our ego and ‘अहंकार’ blind us to.

Do we honestly ask ourselves — “What is it that makes us take His name?” Why do we offer prayers to Him?” Is it out of pure love and respect for our Creator ? Is it out of fear – that if we don’t pray – things would not work out well for us ? Or is it more need-based ? Don’t we keep on asking Him for something or the other all the time ?Barely is one wish fulfilled by Him when we put our next request to Him. Do we ever feel that we should give up the ‘give and take’ policy that we seem to have formed with God – by trying to win Him over with the ingratiating words – “ईश्वर ! आप मेरी ये इच्छा पूरी कर दीजिए और मैं आपको ये चढ़ाऊँगा…” Why have we formed a business relationship with God? Does He really need any adornments or bribes from us? But we somehow believe — the heavier our offering to Him, the more our coffers will fill.

What if we changed our ‘desire-riddled’ relationship with God – with one, instead , that sees love overflowing from us for Him ? Let us feel love for Him — only love — divine and pure, which makes us so blissful that materialistic desires seem inane and insignificant in front of Him. Did we ask Him for anything as a baby ? Didn’t He rejoice in hearing us baby-mouth His name and fulfil all our needs without us giving a voice to them? It is only when we reach a blissful state like this — when we stop asking from Him — that we will be able to see the divine manner in which He bears our burden and gives us what should be given to us in this lifetime — without our having to ask Him for anything.

What we all fail to understand is that if our relationship with God were purely transactional, and, if our offerings got us what we wanted, then we would never truly understand God — or His power and grace. No matter how well we think we know what we need, God alone knows best.

We often misinterpret surrender to God as a sign of weakness or passivity — as though we are resigning ourselves to chaos or helplessness.
But that is certainly not what surrendering to Him entails.
Surrendering to Him means having faith and belief that He is making everything happen for the best. Such a mindset is truly empowering, as one is able to act with confidence and also know that some grand surprise or revelation is just around the corner for us. Such a way of thinking helps us see His miracles more clearly and make us enjoy life’s moments to the fullest.