Swami ji said…
Till just a few decades back – families often lived together. These ‘joint families’, as they are still referred to, were very common in the days gone by , wherein, the head patriarch’s word was the final word – with the children, including the sons, always heeding to his words and never doing anything to the contrary.
Everything was shared – be it happiness or grief. Members of a family laughed and celebrated together in each other’s joys and wept on seeing the other’s pain. Signs of simmering discontent were nipped in the bud – by discussing things face to face. And immediate steps were taken by the elders of the family to resolve any friction that could be caused due to the thought of unfair division of material assets. Thinking on selfish lines of ‘तेरा-मेरा’ was discouraged and magnanimity was taught by emphasizing on ‘हमारा’ – by the matriarch of the family. Utmost importance was given to ensure that peace and harmony was maintained in the family – at all cost.
Respect; obedience; having faith in others; putting others before themselves; to care and bear true love and compassion for others – were the core values – on the foundation of which the younger ones were raised in joint families and they imbibed these values – without raising any questions. Artificiality and pretence was something that they were not allowed to nurture and were told about the merits of being genuine and honest in their relationships and expressions.
Once the younger lot started behaving with their elders and others in a respectful and kind manner; spoke with love and remained humble – they understood that this is all that would they would need to do – to live a good and happy life. The qualities of patience, consideration and tolerance that developed within them while living with the elderly and young simultaneously – would stay with them for ever – and help them remain even tempered in many situations.” ऐसे बच्चे दयालु, स्नेही और विनम्र बनते हैं…”
Changing times do not only change us, but, also bring about changes in every aspect of our life – and so it has in the way we live today. The sheen of living in extended, joint families seems to have faded away with time – as maybe, each individual could be keen to live life the way he wanted to – on his terms and conditions. His ego not being able to accept that his word does not matter much to others. His preferred food choices; his desire to live in a scenario or environment that suited him the most – just him and his immediate family – leaving behind ‘people’ who had been his world till some time back. Do we have the courage to admit that the parents who were once respected by us – when we needed them – are , at times , at the receiving end of blatant disrespect – once they are old and of not much use to us? Our siblings with whom we once shared everything – are now the ones from whom we hide things about our progress and growth. There are instances when siblings are envious on seeing the other sibling prosper more than them. Tempers run high on hearing about the possibility of one sibling getting a slightly larger share of inheritance than the others, and this gives them enough reason to cut off ties from one another – at times, forever.
If, a misunderstanding, ever develops between family members, it is best to clear the air, by talking directly to the concerned person. Do not bear ill – will against him – as nursing that grudge will harm us more than anyone else.
Being indifferent and arrogant with all those persons who ‘should’ matter the most to us – will lead us nowhere – but to a hollow life – of loneliness and isolation. We must learn to accept the differences between us ; be forgiving to the misdeeds made by a few and never let a clash of egos cloud our sense of reasoning – all the more so when we are young. Young couples married for barely a few weeks are ready to file for divorce – without giving some more time to understand each other ; for their relationship to strengthen further. Sadly, patience – is at an all time low these days.” ‘रिश्तों’ और ‘संबंधों’ को बना के रखो, जोड़ के रखो…उन्हें टूटने मत दो…”
Dedicated to Swamiji Ajay Jain ji 