Month: June 2023

Swami ji said…

” रिश्तों के बंधन में हम तभी से बंध जाते हैं, जब हम अपनी माँ के गर्भ में होते हैं ” – and all the family members to whom we will be related after our birth ; not only, do they await our birth eagerly, but also, start discussing animatedly about the best characteristics that we could take from our parents, and, the kind of person we would grow into – with time. Would we be stubborn or docile? Arrogant or humble? Selfish or selfless ?Truthful or deceitful? Because more often than not – we tend to retain the same very traits, throughout our life, that we had during our childhood – and the ‘typical’ kind of individual that we are – with our positives and negatives – is what lays the foundation of relationships that we form and develop with our family and friends – as we evolve.

” रिश्तों को बारकरार रखने में… .” to understand how relationships are maintained, we need to take a leaf from the ‘stem’ of a tree – the flexibility of which helps the tree to stand rooted to the ground even while it bears the onslaught of a havoc wreaking storm. In a similar manner, if, we were to adopt some flexibility in our behaviour, instead of being stubborn and rude – we would unfailingly succeed in winning the hearts of people around us – all those who matter the most to us; love us; care for us. At times, we fear being soft, yielding, and adjustable all the time – as we feel that others could then categorize us as being spineless and weak. And, while we should be strong and undeterred in matters of honesty and principles, we must realise that it is always good to give others space to be themselves, and, be accepting of their nature. It is only when we show a non – judgemental acceptance of others, that we too can be accepted by them.The lesser we ‘preach’ to others; the more likely they will listen to us when it matters. The more we let others in on our conversations ; the more we let them express themselves ; the more will we understand each other.

The basis of any relationship is love and respect. And where there is jealousy and hate; suspicion and fear, there can be no love and respect – there can be no comfort and calm. As children, it is based on these feelings of trust, and affection that we make friends – some of whom stay in touch and remain close – long into our adult lives. They are neither our relatives nor are they bound to us by blood, but, despite that – they remain integral in our lives. This is because the relationship we have with them carries a childlike innocence – untouched by pride, jealousy or competition and also because we accept them as they are – without judging them.

Thus, it becomes important to put in these same characteristics into our relationships with our relatives. We must strive to be dependable and trustworthy – and for this we must give up any sense of superiority or a ‘mindset’ that restricts us from being so. We must stop all comparison and cease keeping count of ‘what we did for them’ and ‘what they did for us’. All gestures must be seen for exactly what they are – gestures – and not measured in materialistic terms. It is only then we will be able to experience genuine love, understanding, compassion and respect for them. Misunderstandings , if any , should be resolved at the earliest between parents and children; between siblings and between spouses at the earliest. Sincere attempts should be made to diffuse problems that will undoubtedly arise in a joint family in particular. Disharmony and discord has been of no good to anyone – so why let it live in your family ?

In the times that we live today – where many filial relationships are as fragile as crystal and breaking meaninglessly – we would not have been either surprised or shocked to hear that Lord Ram had found Queen Kaikeyi’s wish for Him to banished into the forest for fourteen long years to be unfair, unjust and had refused to fulfil it. Had He ignored her wishes; we would have found His reaction to be perfectly normal in the world that we live today. But, in comparison, those times were vastly different, when relationships mattered the most – and Lord Ram even in such demanding circumstances, did not let His relationship with Queen Kaikeyi deteriorate. Why did He do so? Could it be that this was God’s way of teaching us that the relationships we are born into must be upheld and maintained even at the cost of great personal sacrifice ? Is it God’s way of saying we must strive to keep these relationships alive to the best of our ability? How about our relationship with God ? Don’t we sometimes disconnect with Him, in anger , when things are not going our way, and , sometimes completely forget Him when they are ? Perhaps we need to display some humility here too. If our relationship with Him is only transactional, then the ups and downs, the numerous vagaries of life will strain this divine relationship too. We must tame our ego and accept that only He knows what is best for us. Like a friend, we must trust Him completely. Would not a friend feel bad if we refused to share our troubles with him? And would it also not sting him if we didn’t share our happiness and joys with him? Why then should our relationship with God be any different ?

Swami ji’s Sandesh …

Swami ji said…

We live in a society which appears to be firmly entrenched in the roots of desires ; thrives on plentiful …’ जहां इच्छाओं का कोई अन्त ही नहीं है…’ and derives false strength from mottos such as – ‘ The more the better’; ‘ Never be satisfied’, ‘ Always ask for more’ and ‘Greed is good’. We celebrate excesses and are embarrassed of moderation and restraint. There is no such thing as ‘enough’, and , anyone who doesn’t want ‘more’ is looked down upon as weak, insignificant and a person not worth reckoning with.

Breathing in an environment that is saturated by
such narratives and ideals – the mind also begins to focus on ‘gains’ and ‘profits’. There is a constant pressure to look for more ; to assess what is lacking and how to acquire it. What one has managed to get in the present moment becomes inconsequential , and , what one doesn’t have – is – what drives our further actions in the materialistic world. Such an approach – unmindful of where it will lead us and what it will turn us into – does eventually lead to material gains … ‘ chahe apna sukh gavan ke.’ Man seeks not just to satisfy his and his family’s immediate hunger, but, also to satisfy their wishes and wants – for far into the future. He seeks not for just his lifetime but for generations after him – irrespective of the consequences that it has on his physical and mental being today. But is this not the mentality of a hoarder? ‘ वो कल के सुख के लिए आज दुःखी रहने को तैय्यार है !’ Can there be any peace in such a constant state of hunger and dissatisfaction?

It is crucial, thus, for us to find a balance. A point at which we can say to ourselves–’This is fine for now. I shall enjoy what I have – now ; and, if the need arises, I shall seek more.’ ‘जो तुम्हारे पास आज है, उस में तो सुखी रहो…ऐसा लगता है कि हम दुःखी होने का कारण ढूँढ ते रहते हैं ‘ – running after material possessions.

How then can we find such a balance? What we need to do is to put on a practical lens in life. We must question ourselves off and on – What is that we seek and why do we seek it ? Why do we need the latest phone? Will it make our life truly better and more comfortable ? Or, have we bought it just to show the world that we are better off than them? Is what we seek something to satisfy our vanity or a requirement? And, yes, sometimes even vanity and appearances are a means to an end in the society around us. Our profession might need us to maintain certain appearances, and , thus satisfying such demands are well justified. But , we must be aware of when we are falling into the rat race and making our lives miserable…’दुखी ‘ in order to present to others that – ‘ हम सुखी है , बहमूल्य, महँगी वस्तुओं के साथ…’ Only we would know about the lengths to which we’ve gone to project this false image of ours to the world.

The spiritual seeker must seek to gain ‘pleasure’ from his current state. He must not just ‘make do’ but ‘make the most’ with what he has. Such an approach towards life gives a sense of fulfilment and gratitude for what one has…’और वह हर क्षण सुख की अनुभूति करता है.’ His happiness and feeling of bliss is not dependent on any recently acquired possessions and for being recognised by others because of them. It also gives one the vision to see what is truly lacking in his life and what he actually needs to secure – with a clear, positive mind – as he knows that what he is embarking upon will be the best for him. In such a state, we do not feel hard- pressed for anything, but , instead are able to act purposefully with a sound aim and a happy mind. The more we honestly seek to answer the question – ‘Is what I have today enough for me?’ – the more will we start seeing how inconsequential materialistic things are in our life. We will begin to achieve more with less, and , our attachment to materialistic and worldly affairs will burn away. The stress of not having this or that ; the fear of being looked down upon and judged with a snigger – all of these will disappear making the mind lighter and the soul happier. The more we learn to enjoy with what we have ‘now’, the more confident and self-assured we will be in ourselves – and the more fruitful and beneficial will be our actions not just to us but for everyone around us.

We must remember – “जब हम, जीवन में जो मिला है , उसका आनन्द लेते हैं और प्रसन्न रहते हैं – उस मे सुख है…और जब हम , जो हमारे पास नही है , उसकी चाहत करते हैं और परेशान रहते हैं…वह दुख है…”

Swami ji said …

For a moment, let us recall the manner in which we react, on seeing a person with an exceptionally strong appearance – who ‘appears’ to be physically fit , exudes power and courage – is in complete command of himself and things around him. Naturally, we are so greatly enamoured by his tough external appearance – that while admiring him – we forget to dwell on an attribute that is most relevant and applicable to his day to day life…’ उस व्यक्ति में ‘शक्ति’ के साथ ‘सहनशक्ति’ भी है या नहीं… शारीर के बल के साथ मनोबल भी है या नहीं !’ Appearances can certainly be deceptive – and we shouldn’t be surprised to find his tough exterior, house within it – a soft, molten, wax – like heart and mind – incapable of bearing , tolerating and accepting the swirling tides of time. Physical strength in all likelihood will weather down with age, but , ‘सहनशक्ति’ – once cemented in us, stays with most of us for ever.

How often have we heard ourselves rant , complain or say angrily – ‘यह मैं सहन नहीं कर सकता !’ Our intolerance level can fluctuate at the silliest of reasons – someone’s arrogant way of speaking with us ; at the thought of someone doing better than us ; it could be due to the heat or excessive cold ; when life shocks us with some heart – breaking news. Why is it that we are unable to take things in our stride ; fail to make an effort to remain unaffected by them and focus on developing mental strength within us ?

The never ending stream of unwanted incidents and happenings in our life can make us feel drained and certain that nothing can ever go right for us. We need to ward off all those weakening thoughts that make us feel – that no one has a life as inconsequential and useless as ours, and, thus , nothing – no amount of effort from our side can ever improve our condition.

But, the truth which we might find difficult to acknowledge, is that, almost all of us have the same misconception. In reality, it is the mind which dictates to us this narrative. It is the mind which puts on its ‘grey ‘ sunglasses to darken our view of life and makes us feel weak and helpless. ‘ उस समय ऐसे लगता है जैसे हम ‘मनोबल और सहनशक्ति’ जैसे शब्दों से परिचित ही नहीं है … हम एकदम हिम्मत हार जाते हैं…’ Life is a constant struggle – sometimes to achieve something in our personal or professional lives; sometimes to improve our health or wealth; sometimes to repair or improve relationships. But, what we need, first, and, foremost to attain any of the above is a lot of mental strength.

It is the mind which detects why something is not right ; why a certain situation is not conducive and what is the reason for us to be miserable about. It is the mind’s perception of the world that is dark and dreary – and not one of the world itself.

So, the question that arises then is – How does one get out of the trap that is laid by the mind ? The answer is quite simple – as is often the case with most battles with the mind. It can be reined in through patience and reflection.We must learn not to ‘react’ but to ‘act’ in the face of any unexpected situation. While a reaction could be emotion fuelled, an ‘action’ will be thoughtful and measured. While one will possibly do nothing to address a situation, the other will make us proceed towards a ‘solution’.

To do this, we must harness tolerance in ourselves. We must learn to accept the ever changing nature of life. We must learn to expect the unexpected and not be surprised by anything. We must tame the ego and submit that the world is not going to change for us; and it is for us to make the most of what we get at any moment or at any time. The more we teach ourselves to be accepting of the world around us, the more we will be at peace.The ups and downs of life will gradually cease to surprise us, and we will gradually build the mental fortitude to adapt to the ever-changing circumstances of life. Meditation makes us immensely strong – mentally and equips us to face challenges with equanimity.

It is only when we have imbibed such an attitude towards life, will we stop ‘suffering’ our lives and start ‘living’ it. We will begin to treat life like a game, created by God – the moves and result of which are already known to Him – and where ‘winning’ is simply doing the best we can at any moment. We will cease to be irritated and irked by anything, but , simply smile at the sudden surprises and shocks that life throws at us.

Swami ji said …

An emotion – most negative and overpowering ; extremely torturous and draining – ‘ईर्ष्या’ jealousy’ – has the exceptional ability of switching into ‘active’ mode from ‘dormant’ mode within a fraction of a second – at the most ridiculous of reasons. It could cause us agitation and distress on seeing some one better placed than us ; more affluent than us – who could afford the unaffordable ; more capable and talented than us ; better looking than us. The debate in question could be any – but , it appears , that all we need is a twig of ‘envy’ to latch on to – on knowing that someone is ‘better’ than us – and then leave the rest in the hands of ‘jealousy’ – as it branches out swiftly – in the storm that she brews in us – leaving us raging and seething. ‘How can someone be better than us ?’ – we thunder.

We refuse to listen to the voice of reason – that makes a brave attempt to be heard – amidst the strong gusts of jealousy – when it says – ” जब कभी हम दूसरों की सफलता को स्वीकार नहीं करते, तो वो ‘ईर्ष्या’, ‘जलन’, और ‘नफरत’ बन जाती है… परंतु अगर हम उनकी सफलता को स्वीकार कर लें, तो वही ‘प्रेरणा’ में बदल जाति है!” In which scenario would you like to see yourself ? ‘क्या हमें दूसरों से ईर्ष्या करनी चाहिए या उनसे प्रेरित होना चाहिए ?’

How many of us can honestly admit that , if , we wanted to , we can always learn a lot – the good – at least , from every individual we meet in our lifetime. Each one of us has a story to tell – the story of our life – the incidents of which leave a lasting imprint on us. On hearing stories of success and defeat of others – we, at times, become so greatly envious of their meteoric rise, that we fail to focus on what we should have.The hard work ; the methodical planning ; the systematic implementation of their plans – put in by them to achieve their goal. Rather than being in a permanent state of jealousy which would only hamper any further progress of ours ; it would benefit us greatly if we were motivated and enthused by their determination and commitment to succeed and flourish – and promise ourselves to make an attempt to do something similar.

It takes a big heart to be happy in the success of others and, thus, let us not be small hearted in applauding others for every award and reward that comes their way – owing to their perseverance and tenacity. Jealousy should not make us so miserable and miserly – that we fail to find words of appreciation for the deserving ones – and even if we manage to do so finally, with great difficulty – they seem to get stuck in our throat. This is what jealousy can do to us. ‘ दूसरों से प्रेरित होना… प्रेरणा लेना ‘ – to get motivated by others – in any way, in any field , anywhere – can work wonders for us and we could emerge as completely new individuals – with a new mindset , a better temperament and constructive habits.

If we delve a little deeper into our own psyche, we might discover that strangely, we are not envious of what the other person has achieved. Instead, we are jealous of his ability to put in such monumental effort to achieve success. We find it difficult to believe that someone else can work harder than us. We are unable to digest the fact that another person can make the huge sacrifices that we thought would be impossible. And, instead of admitting this, we find it easier to attribute his success to other factors, like luck, for instance. We are happier finding faults in him, rather than accepting his success, and , learning from their journey.

The love and respect that Bharat, Laxman and Shatrughan bear for their eldest brother, Shri Ram, shines through the epic – ‘Ramayana’. Although they were born to different mothers, never were they jealous of each other, and, instead, so greatly influenced and motivated were they by Shri Ram – ‘ Maryada Purshottam’s’ ideals and principles – that they too much like Him – could do no wrong ; always spoke the truth and obeyed their elders. When Bharat was unable to keep his promise to His father, Raja Dashrath – by failing to convince Shri Ram to return to Ayodhya from His exile in the forest with Him – he then carried Shri Ram’s ‘khadaun’ as a symbol of honouring his promise to his father. Apart from keeping his word to his father , Bharat, refused to sit on the throne of Ayodhya, when Raja Dashrath passed away and placed Shri Ram’s ‘khadaun’ on the throne of Ayodhya instead, as he was sensitive to the fact that the throne rightfully belonged to Shri Ram.” ‘प्रेरणा’ mein bahut shakti hoti hai , jis se insaan kahan se kahan pahunch jaata hai, air uska bhala hota hai…achcha hota hai…”