” रिश्तों को निभाने में झुकना पड़ता है …“

Swami ji said…

” रिश्तों के बंधन में हम तभी से बंध जाते हैं, जब हम अपनी माँ के गर्भ में होते हैं ” – and all the family members to whom we will be related after our birth ; not only, do they await our birth eagerly, but also, start discussing animatedly about the best characteristics that we could take from our parents, and, the kind of person we would grow into – with time. Would we be stubborn or docile? Arrogant or humble? Selfish or selfless ?Truthful or deceitful? Because more often than not – we tend to retain the same very traits, throughout our life, that we had during our childhood – and the ‘typical’ kind of individual that we are – with our positives and negatives – is what lays the foundation of relationships that we form and develop with our family and friends – as we evolve.

” रिश्तों को बारकरार रखने में… .” to understand how relationships are maintained, we need to take a leaf from the ‘stem’ of a tree – the flexibility of which helps the tree to stand rooted to the ground even while it bears the onslaught of a havoc wreaking storm. In a similar manner, if, we were to adopt some flexibility in our behaviour, instead of being stubborn and rude – we would unfailingly succeed in winning the hearts of people around us – all those who matter the most to us; love us; care for us. At times, we fear being soft, yielding, and adjustable all the time – as we feel that others could then categorize us as being spineless and weak. And, while we should be strong and undeterred in matters of honesty and principles, we must realise that it is always good to give others space to be themselves, and, be accepting of their nature. It is only when we show a non – judgemental acceptance of others, that we too can be accepted by them.The lesser we ‘preach’ to others; the more likely they will listen to us when it matters. The more we let others in on our conversations ; the more we let them express themselves ; the more will we understand each other.

The basis of any relationship is love and respect. And where there is jealousy and hate; suspicion and fear, there can be no love and respect – there can be no comfort and calm. As children, it is based on these feelings of trust, and affection that we make friends – some of whom stay in touch and remain close – long into our adult lives. They are neither our relatives nor are they bound to us by blood, but, despite that – they remain integral in our lives. This is because the relationship we have with them carries a childlike innocence – untouched by pride, jealousy or competition and also because we accept them as they are – without judging them.

Thus, it becomes important to put in these same characteristics into our relationships with our relatives. We must strive to be dependable and trustworthy – and for this we must give up any sense of superiority or a ‘mindset’ that restricts us from being so. We must stop all comparison and cease keeping count of ‘what we did for them’ and ‘what they did for us’. All gestures must be seen for exactly what they are – gestures – and not measured in materialistic terms. It is only then we will be able to experience genuine love, understanding, compassion and respect for them. Misunderstandings , if any , should be resolved at the earliest between parents and children; between siblings and between spouses at the earliest. Sincere attempts should be made to diffuse problems that will undoubtedly arise in a joint family in particular. Disharmony and discord has been of no good to anyone – so why let it live in your family ?

In the times that we live today – where many filial relationships are as fragile as crystal and breaking meaninglessly – we would not have been either surprised or shocked to hear that Lord Ram had found Queen Kaikeyi’s wish for Him to banished into the forest for fourteen long years to be unfair, unjust and had refused to fulfil it. Had He ignored her wishes; we would have found His reaction to be perfectly normal in the world that we live today. But, in comparison, those times were vastly different, when relationships mattered the most – and Lord Ram even in such demanding circumstances, did not let His relationship with Queen Kaikeyi deteriorate. Why did He do so? Could it be that this was God’s way of teaching us that the relationships we are born into must be upheld and maintained even at the cost of great personal sacrifice ? Is it God’s way of saying we must strive to keep these relationships alive to the best of our ability? How about our relationship with God ? Don’t we sometimes disconnect with Him, in anger , when things are not going our way, and , sometimes completely forget Him when they are ? Perhaps we need to display some humility here too. If our relationship with Him is only transactional, then the ups and downs, the numerous vagaries of life will strain this divine relationship too. We must tame our ego and accept that only He knows what is best for us. Like a friend, we must trust Him completely. Would not a friend feel bad if we refused to share our troubles with him? And would it also not sting him if we didn’t share our happiness and joys with him? Why then should our relationship with God be any different ?