‘तारीफ़’ और ‘चापलूसी’ के फ़र्क को हमे समझना चाहिए …’

Swami ji said…

Who doesn’t like to be praised ? Words of praise and appreciation are always music to the ears. In the days of old, kings and queens loved to hear poems and songs sung in their praise. Today, people crave attention and appreciative words lauding them on social media.The idea that one is admired and appreciated gives anyone a huge boost of confidence. It is thus, but, natural to look kindly upon anyone who praises us. We feel that they must think well of us and must be fond of us.

‘ हम मे से ऐसा कौन है जो अपनी तारीफ सुनना पसंद नही करता ?’ Nothing sounds sweeter than congratulatory and complimentary words commending us on our innovations , success and accomplishments. The frisson of happiness that courses through our being on being lauded and applauded ; on hearing us being praised, should not make us oblivious to the stark difference between – praise and flattery.

But, it is when we begin to confuse flattery with praise that we walk on a perilous path of self-destruction. The ego always lets us believe that we are perfect; so hearing words describing our greatness and goodness also validates our ego in its false beliefs. It is thus crucial for us to be self aware and not be swayed by adulation and applause given to us.

If ever, we reach a point in time, when on getting accustomed to hearing words praising us – we fail to distinguish between those … ‘जो हमारी ‘तारीफ’ करते हैं …और जो हमारी ‘चमचागिरी’ या ‘खुशामद’ करते हैं … we , must , during such times, remember and remind ourselves – ‘तारीफ़’ इन्सान के ‘काम’ की होती है, परन्तु चमचागिरी या ‘ख़ुशामद’
होती है उस इन्सान की जो ‘हमारे काम’ आ सकता है।’ Flatterers should have no place in our lives and should always be kept at an arm’s distance…’ऐसे लोगों से दूरी बनाए रखो…’ Will we know our worth only on hearing others glorify us in honeyed, ingratiating tones? Don’t we realise that those who flatter us – fool us, make the most of the ‘weakness’ in us – for their vested interests. A clear signal should be conveyed to flatterrers – stating sternly – ‘ Flattery will get them nowhere ! ‘

A self-aware individual is aware of his own strengths and weaknesses. He does not need to be told what he is good at and what he needs to improve on – but a person who is solely reliant on others for understanding himself – is at peril of being misled and taken advantage of.

Unfortunately, praise, which should be used only for genuinely appreciating others, is often used as currency for gaining favour with others. Ill – intentioned people often prey upon other’s weakness of low self-belief or of an inflated ego by speaking false words of reverence and adoration. Such people try to gain others’ confidence and trust, and then hope to control them and puppeteer them for their own ambitions and advantage.

We must thus always be on guard, and , not be affected by acclaim and approval. We must be humble in our success and not be carried away by words of flattery. By maintaining such a dememanour it becomes clear to all that we are highly self-assured and their sugar coated words will get them nowhere.

But all praise is not ill – intended. Even our loved one’s praise and admire us for who we are, and , yet it is this praise that quite often can be most harmful for us. For many a times, it is our family and close ones who are unable to see any wrong in us and place us on a pedestal. Out of love for us they only speak of our goodness and in turn lead us to believe that we are just as great as they see us. Yet, this is not their fault but our own. It is we who must be self-critical enough to see this and simply acknowledge their love for us.

Regular self-reflection and meditation make us acutely aware of who we are. We have a clear understanding of who we are and are thus unaffected by adulation and admiration.